The CMNM dynamic drives a lot of men to explore 'gay' issues

The  photo just below is only one of two dozen that a young man (who called himself Str8man) posted on another gay discussion board. The user explained that he was 'really' straight, but that he wanted (or needed) the advice of guys who could be honest about whether his 'dick' was big enough or not. 

 It was obviously more than simply that because the posting of his self-pics (never the face) has gone on periodically for several months now. While initially a 'virgin', he explained during the course of the posts how he had had sexual experiences with his girlfriend, but was often horny so considered getting a 'blowjob' from a guy at some point. I think this type of Net 'naked' exposure or self-revelation is symptomatic of what I call the need for male 'skinship' - a form of the CMNM experience. 

As our societies have accepted 'gayness' (at least to some legal extent), the stigma about being bi or gay - while not vanished - is certainly greatly reduced and for a few happy (no pun intended) gay men, it may be non-existent. However, at the same time, I think this new sexual 'freedom' for all males puts traditional self-identity in some type of young males and even older men into greater jeopardy. 

In a way, the macho male is even more threatened in his feelings of isolation and his lack of ability to make 'acceptable' buddy-buddy relationships with other males (particularly those a little older and wiser ) in whom he cannot fully confide or whose affection and need for intimacy he feels he must still largely deny - except for 'outburst' like this one on gay/bi Net sites. In a way, gay sites are becoming the confessionals of a whole new generation of males who crave deeper male intimacy - with or without everything else that is involved in a emotional romantic or sexual interpersonal relationship.

 For the young kid or full-blow teenage, (such as Str8man above) who may have no father (divorced parents) or even no close adult relationships at all - especially men because of today's climate of paranoia about the potential of 'child abuse' by ordinary adults and social authorities figures (teachers, counselors, coaches, priests). He may feel particularly isolated or alone in his feeling of inadequacy -- especially when he is growing up, going through adolescence's change and hormonal upheavals, and experiencing the first few sexual and romantic relationships. It seems to be all to common to see exactly we are seeing above -- it's emblematic of a larger social phenomenon. 
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  I think that many guys who visit (lurk) or participate in the message boards and forums of gay social networking and gay hook-up sites such as Dudesnude, JustusBoys, Gaywatch, Dlist, Lifeout, and definitely on sites such as DickFlash are actually craving CMNM experiences -- rather than simply just sex to get off. It's not that they don't need or want to get off (ejaculate) or that they don't need to communicate or try to relate and form relationships or friendship, but I believe that the need to profoundly reach a deep intimate level of emotional or psycho-sexual communication or interaction with other men -- THAT being with other men in what fundamentally involves nudity -- is a very strong force and a desire that most all men feel that must fulfill.

**********************

 

Therefore, I would like to expand the definition of CMNM (clothed male - naked male). You can see that expanded definition in earlier entries of the blog


 I have started, devoted to this topic: Guys Into CMNM You can

read it at: http://guysn2cmnm.blogspot.com Your experiences, stories, comments/reactions, Net resources, pics are welcomed as contributions for the CMNM blog. Please send them to: sunbuns99 AT yahoo DOT com

********************** 

In CNMN experiences, not everyone involved needs to be to completely dressed or undressed (there can be mixed dressed/nude people in the same situation). It's the potential for nudity as a form of intimate or erotic communication that is more important than actually who is nude or clothed and how far each way. There can be more than one nude guys - it's just that there must be one clothed guys too. 

Often, guys can get CMNM thrills by being the dressed one or the naked one alternatively. I know that it works this way for me. I'm not passing any critical judgement on any other kind of male-oriented sexual lifestyle -- (flashing, BDSM, leather, role-playing (involving uniforms or costumes) because some people are turned on by multiple form of sexual stimulation - some of us are bisexual (past / present and future) and some of us get off flashing or simply just being exposed (or getting to see those who do). 

A true (extreme) dickflasher seems to get off by showing an erect cock in places/situations where people don't expect it and are shocked to have the 'space' invaded by a hard dick.. at the extreme, it may be the only way he can get off (ejaculate). It seems that there are actually very few guys who fall into that category.

 The CMNM (being exposed where clothed guys can view (and/or be visual stimuated) seems to find his (me being one of them) thrill in being naked in front of guys (dressed or in a state of dressing/undressing) where it's is more or less socially acceptable or at least tolerated (even glorified) - like a public street fair or a no-pants or strip night at a male-oriented bar, etc, or more 'innocently' in a locker room or frat party. But I know that in my case, I get a lot more social/psychological fulfillment / satisifaction (?) and some erotic/sexual pleasure from being in a CMNM situation - especially where I can establish a personal relationship with the clothed (or naked) guys. 

Recently, I find this often happens in a hostel or similar situation (campground, at the beach or gym showers, or clothing optional resort, etc, where you meet and befriend strangers who later get to see you naked or even aroused - almost by 'accident' not totally by design). I collect a lot of CMNM photos and have them for 'friends only' on: http://www.flickr.com/people/sunbuns/ 
You have to join Flickr (free) and add me as friend to view the pics. Please STATE on your profile that you are 18 years old or OVER 18 This makes things legal and I'll get less flack from Flickr for pandering to minors. 

There are also thousands of Flickr groups (little discussion but lots of photos) devoted to different aspects of this same idea: Frat parties, doctor's physical exams, being naked in public (not just flashing from a alley or window), sports locker rooms, etc. My own Net photos collections are categorized in sets as such. There are also scores of Net porn sites devoted to some particular 'flavor' or scene that is strongly related to CMNM. There are also a few private and public groups on Yahoo and Tribe.net devoted to CMNM. http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunbuns/375290868/in/set-72157594501819505/ 

* You must be a Flickr member and my Flickr friend to view the private pics on my Flickr photostream.  
_________________ The spirit is willing but the flash is week day and weekend!

Do the Naked Men in CMNM equate it with humiliation?

[This article is my response to the above forum discussion question was taken from Tribe.net / CMNM Tribe]

For my part, I see CMNM scenes/interactions as something far broader than just humiliation vs power/control. As I think back over my 'development' as boy/teen/young adult/ mature male, I have a strong reason to believe that nudity (showing skin) is a fundamental and important form of male-male communication. 

While power/pecking order/rank/machismo are important aspects of the CMNM lifestyle (sexual preference/fetish - I hate to limit it to being JUST a sexual fetish) I think it is just how and where such kinds of experiences actually occur (for what purpose do the men are doing the CMNM 'acts/behaviors' ) that determines more whether the 'sexual eroticism' of the CMNM involves a power exchange or not. Oddly enough, we've been having a similar (but limited because of text lenght) discussion on the CMNM Xtube group (that I started recently).

I think there are three broad categories for how and where CMNM occurs. And you can probably take that to mean its 'purpose' - it's not always has to do with just sex (getting off). When we start to view men's sexual and erotic behaviors as more than just SEX, then it both complicates and liberates the discussion/analysis.

1) planned or commercial situations where both parties involved, the clothed man (males) and naked ones are participating willingly and in predetermined locations (such as a bar, Pride event, male strip club, male lap-dancing, or private group sex parties. Some examples are nude nights at some gay bars, or stripping contests, or amateur strip nights, or hiring a nude escort or sex 'massage' escort (not to be confused with a real licensed masseur or massage therapist). Some are these 'planned' CMNM events are a part of a larger men's gathering or nude or sexual retreat - CMEN, Burning Man, or Street Festival (Southern Decadance in New Orleans or Dore Alley Fair in San Francisco).

2) pre-meditated, semi-random or semi-accidental, spontaneous or simply one-way CMNM (this is a very gray area - so it's not clearly definable)..

I don' t think that BOTH the nude and clothed male have to both be willing participants for it to count as a CMNM situation. For one of them, it may seem completely 'natural' or accidental. In these types of CMMN situations, only ONE of the two manipulates (or at least it appears that one side is cognizant and the other side is ignorant (or innocent) of 'planning' or 'willingly' participant in sexually stimulating their counterpart.

So the exact environment or conditions are very important but also very unique and specific to the situation (like good timing in while visiting your Uncle's home, etc) so that one male can either be nude or be the clothed one who enjoys seeing the nude male in a place where nudity may or may not be expected. Perhaps 'flashing' (showing your body/gentitals/nudity) to another male (clothed or not) may be a subset of this category ... or not.. I'm not quite sure.

As has been pointed out, one essential factor is whether power/control is involved and whether the sexual arousal is experienced by both (Clothed or Nude) participants. I think that the degree to which the CMNM event or act may or may not be related to whether or not it is a voluntary act or coerced or forced on the other party (by force, persuasion or manipulation that physical or psychological or social pressure or even some combinations of all three. is also important. Another important point is whether the power/submission is part of the social construct (police office / arrestee or suspect, teacher or coach / student or athlete or officer -military 'grunt' (lower rank), priest - altar boy, etc) or simply an interpersonal construct... kind of like role-playing like the father -son (daddy - boy) relationships that some gay men prefer.

3) accidental or unintended CMNM experiences (like when someone opens a toilet stall door and exposes a naked (or masturbating/erect guy), or getting locked out (pushed out) of a hotel room by college buddies, etc... ).

There are all kinds of variables that come into play and the huge extremes in the level of conscious and unconscious sexual turns-on with all of these variations. the subtleties or the directness (blatantness) are different for every purpose and every person.

Certainly, one aspect of CMNM involves flashing. Flashing is a form of exhibitionism - from mild to wild to extreme - exposing one's body, specifically the genitals and/or buttocks (or breasts in women) to another person or group of people (who may or may not be clothed). Mild forms of it are 'accidental exposure' or peekaboo flashing -which are so very common among some social groups and situations -- so much so that it is absolutely NOT even regarded as any form of 'sexual' behavior at all - especially in some circles or subcultures.

Peekaboo flashing often takes the form of nudity at college boy dorm and social events or frat parties, nudity at sporting events, rock concerts and public events where young and often drunk people gather to 'have fun'. But it also exists on a more personalized basis .. such as between college dorm roommates or when regular handymen or deliverymen come to a person's house (sometimes repeatedly) and some accidental exposure to (male) nudity occurs. There are legions of stories -- many probably urban legend -- about the voyeuristic adventures of pizza delivery boys, UPS truck drivers, and newspaper delivery boys - some of which they have documented (in blogs, Youtube,
porno, etc) but more they themselves often are actually the targeted brunt of someone else's desire for getting-naked-for-the-pizza-guy prank. I have a strong feeling that many times such 'jokes' actually have latent homoerotic desires or subcurrents underlying the 'urge' to strip or to have someone stripped. You have alluded to that type in your posts above. Why then would getting the guys naked or panstied or teabagged be the NUMBER ONE hazing or college party pranks for seemingly millions of boyish breeder-types (twinks and young college or NON-college men up to age 30 or so). Spend some time searching YouTube or similar sites (or more blatantly risque or explicit video-sharing sites) to get a better idea of what I am talking about.

So this is an important form of CMNM experience that I don't really address in the above and that's because it's not easily categorized: flashing. Perhaps it's only related or could be considered a fourth sub-category or type of CMNM.

Showing one's naked body and/or genitals (without or without an erect state) seems to transcend almost all the above categories. It may be accidental or at least spontaneous, it is definitely a conscious act (though I guess a nude 'sleepwalker' doesn't plan his actions), and it may or may not occur in socially accepted circumstances... can you call show your cock (semi-erect) to another guy on a nude beach 'flashing'? Maybe it has more to do with the reality of erotic or sensual communication (body language, etc) than mere act of being naked in front of a clothed male.

 [ The author of this article sunning his buns at a public seaside park. ]

Gay Life in Japan: a personal explanation

seanolan

Expert on Something
 Posts: 166
Location: Shirakawa, Fukushima, Japan

 As a gay man in Japan, I have some experience in this, so let me give my 2 yen. First, there is no religious bias from most Japanese. Historically, many Japanese have been homosexual (some buddhist temples in Japan actually kept young men {even young boys at time, sadly} specifically because they were beautiful and the monks would have regular sexual encounters with them, and samurai often had relationships with their "squires" or "apprentices" {not sure what the Japanese word for that is} )according to some of the gay literature I have read here. That said, there is a strong bias, not against same sex acts, but against a homosexual lifestyle, because it is not within the traditional Japanese lifestyle.

A youth is expected to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, and support the family by doing so. Someone who falls outside of that pattern is instantly regarded with suspicion and even contempt by many traditional Japanese. Obviously, a homosexual relationship and lifestyle falls well outside that pattern. I would liken Japanese homosexual culture to that of America in the early 70's, without the active persecution or violence of that time. Most people don't even consider it (you'd be AMAZED how many Japanese have told me that there are no gay Japanese...hand to god!) Those that do, often consider it a choice (and not a good one) and somehow deficient, although many women do consider it hip and cool to have a gay male friend.

There is a lot of confusion, incidentally, even in the language, about the difference between being gay, trangendered and transvestite. In fact, most words in the Japanese language make no distinction between the different identities. Ironically, while homosexuality as a lifestyle is looked at askance, entertainers who break the gender boundaries are incredibly popular, both as objects of amusement and as legitimate entertainers. This leads to many Japanese having confusion about or denial of their orientation. The Japanese closet is deep. Almost all the gay Japanese men I have met over 30 are also married with children. Many of their wives even know that they are gay. It seems that as long as they have fulfilled the obligation to the community of a wife and children, it is tolerated.

Some just look at it as a physical thing (and the stereotype is that this sort of Japanese man is very unaffectionate with their partners in gay sex; no kissing or any form of emotional attachment is formed); that they simply want sex with a man as an urge to be satisfied. This attitude is also held by many heterosexual Japanese about homosexuals, that it is simply a physical urge, not a life-altering orientation. Many other gay Japanese men go the far opposite extreme, becoming extremely effeminate in all their behavior; sometimes even dressing and appearing as women (although not quite to the degree of transvestism).

 Rather than hiding it, they embrace the stereotype that Japanese culture places on them and in fact seem to be throwing it back in that culture's face. Gay bars and gay-oriented businesses are few and far between outside of the metropolises (such as Tokyo's Shinjuku Nichome) and compared to the America, even those venues are small. For instance, Nichome has approximately 200 gay bars (according to Fodor's) in the neighborhood, but from personal experience I can tell you that aside from a very few, these bars have a seating capacity of 6-15 people...they are bars, not clubs. There are also occasionally places in the most out-of-the-way towns that would shock you...my small town does not have a gay bar (or in fact any night clubs) but it does have a transexual snack/hostess bar! HOW it stays open in this town, I couldn't even tell you...

 There are quite a few small gay newspapers and magazines published in Japan, and they tend to be

very discrete in delivery. In the larger cities, there are gay encounter/social groups as well. Now, a bit of good news for foreigners coming to Japan...usually, Japanese have NO problem with homosexual foreigners. Remember, we are expected to not conform to Japanese culture (which can work for and against us in many situations) and so without any religious bias against homosexuality, we slip unscathed under the "conformity" radar...it's just one more weird thing about you, like eating raw vegetables, hating natto and wearing non-white shirts to work. However, there seems to be a bit of mild prejudice about us working with kids (or maybe not...I'll explain).

A few of the teachers I work/have worked with who know my orientation have told me it would be better for me not to talk about it, as some parents might be uncomfortable with me being in charge of their kids. On the other hand, several of my gay JET friends are not only out at the schools they teach at, but they have even taught lessons on homosexuality in other countries and how it is received there, without any negative fallout. So it could be that the teachers who spoke to me were simply being extra cautious, or my friends could have been lucky. I hope this is useful to you, or at least informative.

 Smile,  Sean

Gay Life in Japan: a personal explanation

seanolan Expert on Something Joined: 20 Sep 2006 Posts: 166 Location: Shirakawa, Fukushima, Japan

Posted: October 11th, 2006 3:41 pm Post subject: As a gay man in Japan, I have some experience in this, so let me give my 2 yen. First, there is no religious bias from most Japanese. Historically, many Japanese have been homosexual (some buddhist temples in Japan actually kept young men {even young boys at time, sadly} specifically because they were beautiful and the monks would have regular sexual encounters with them, and samurai often had relationships with their "squires" or "apprentices" {not sure what the Japanese word for that is} )according to some of the gay literature I have read here. That said, there is a strong bias, not against same sex acts, but against a homosexual lifestyle, because it is not within the traditional Japanese lifestyle. A youth is expected to go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, and support the family by doing so. Someone who falls outside of that pattern is instantly regarded with suspicion and even contempt by many traditional Japanese. Obviously, a homosexual relationship and lifestyle falls well outside that pattern. I would liken Japanese homosexual culture to that of America in the early 70's, without the active persecution or violence of that time. Most people don't even consider it (you'd be AMAZED how many Japanese have told me that there are no gay Japanese...hand to god!) Those that do, often consider it a choice (and not a good one) and somehow deficient, although many women do consider it hip and cool to have a gay male friend. There is a lot of confusion, incidentally, even in the language, about the difference between being gay, trangendered and transvestite. In fact, most words in the Japanese language make no distinction between the different identities. Ironically, while homosexuality as a lifestyle is looked at askance, entertainers who break the gender boundaries are incredibly popular, both as objects of amusement and as legitimate entertainers. This leads to many Japanese having confusion about or denial of their orientation. The Japanese closet is deep. Almost all the gay Japanese men I have met over 30 are also married with children. Many of their wives even know that they are gay. It seems that as long as they have fulfilled the obligation to the community of a wife and children, it is tolerated. Some just look at it as a physical thing (and the stereotype is that this sort of Japanese man is very unaffectionate with their partners in gay sex; no kissing or any form of emotional attachment is formed); that they simply want sex with a man as an urge to be satisfied. This attitude is also held by many heterosexual Japanese about homosexuals, that it is simply a physical urge, not a life-altering orientation. Many other gay Japanese men go the far opposite extreme, becoming extremely effeminate in all their behavior; sometimes even dressing and appearing as women (although not quite to the degree of transvestism). Rather than hiding it, they embrace the stereotype that Japanese culture places on them and in fact seem to be throwing it back in that culture's face. Gay bars and gay-oriented businesses are few and far between outside of the metropolises (such as Tokyo's Shinjuku Nichome) and compared to the America, even those venues are small. For instance, Nichome has approximately 200 gay bars (according to Fodor's) in the neighborhood, but from personal experience I can tell you that aside from a very few, these bars have a seating capacity of 6-15 people...they are bars, not clubs. There are also occasionally places in the most out-of-the-way towns that would shock you...my small town does not have a gay bar (or in fact any night clubs) but it does have a transexual snack/hostess bar! HOW it stays open in this town, I couldn't even tell you... There are quite a few small gay newspapers and magazines published in Japan, and they tend to be very discrete in delivery. In the larger cities, there are gay encounter/social groups as well. Now, a bit of good news for foreigners coming to Japan...usually, Japanese have NO problem with homosexual foreigners. Remember, we are expected to not conform to Japanese culture (which can work for and against us in many situations) and so without any religious bias against homosexuality, we slip unscathed under the "conformity" radar...it's just one more weird thing about you, like eating raw vegetables, hating natto and wearing non-white shirts to work. However, there seems to be a bit of mild prejudice about us working with kids (or maybe not...I'll explain). A few of the teachers I work/have worked with who know my orientation have told me it would be better for me not to talk about it, as some parents might be uncomfortable with me being in charge of their kids. On the other hand, several of my gay JET friends are not only out at the schools they teach at, but they have even taught lessons on homosexuality in other countries and how it is received there, without any negative fallout. So it could be that the teachers who spoke to me were simply being extra cautious, or my friends could have been lucky. I hope this is useful to you, or at least informative. Sean