The CMNM dynamic drives a lot of men to explore 'gay' issues

The  photo just below is only one of two dozen that a young man (who called himself Str8man) posted on another gay discussion board. The user explained that he was 'really' straight, but that he wanted (or needed) the advice of guys who could be honest about whether his 'dick' was big enough or not. 

 It was obviously more than simply that because the posting of his self-pics (never the face) has gone on periodically for several months now. While initially a 'virgin', he explained during the course of the posts how he had had sexual experiences with his girlfriend, but was often horny so considered getting a 'blowjob' from a guy at some point. I think this type of Net 'naked' exposure or self-revelation is symptomatic of what I call the need for male 'skinship' - a form of the CMNM experience. 

As our societies have accepted 'gayness' (at least to some legal extent), the stigma about being bi or gay - while not vanished - is certainly greatly reduced and for a few happy (no pun intended) gay men, it may be non-existent. However, at the same time, I think this new sexual 'freedom' for all males puts traditional self-identity in some type of young males and even older men into greater jeopardy. 

In a way, the macho male is even more threatened in his feelings of isolation and his lack of ability to make 'acceptable' buddy-buddy relationships with other males (particularly those a little older and wiser ) in whom he cannot fully confide or whose affection and need for intimacy he feels he must still largely deny - except for 'outburst' like this one on gay/bi Net sites. In a way, gay sites are becoming the confessionals of a whole new generation of males who crave deeper male intimacy - with or without everything else that is involved in a emotional romantic or sexual interpersonal relationship.

 For the young kid or full-blow teenage, (such as Str8man above) who may have no father (divorced parents) or even no close adult relationships at all - especially men because of today's climate of paranoia about the potential of 'child abuse' by ordinary adults and social authorities figures (teachers, counselors, coaches, priests). He may feel particularly isolated or alone in his feeling of inadequacy -- especially when he is growing up, going through adolescence's change and hormonal upheavals, and experiencing the first few sexual and romantic relationships. It seems to be all to common to see exactly we are seeing above -- it's emblematic of a larger social phenomenon. 
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  I think that many guys who visit (lurk) or participate in the message boards and forums of gay social networking and gay hook-up sites such as Dudesnude, JustusBoys, Gaywatch, Dlist, Lifeout, and definitely on sites such as DickFlash are actually craving CMNM experiences -- rather than simply just sex to get off. It's not that they don't need or want to get off (ejaculate) or that they don't need to communicate or try to relate and form relationships or friendship, but I believe that the need to profoundly reach a deep intimate level of emotional or psycho-sexual communication or interaction with other men -- THAT being with other men in what fundamentally involves nudity -- is a very strong force and a desire that most all men feel that must fulfill.

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Therefore, I would like to expand the definition of CMNM (clothed male - naked male). You can see that expanded definition in earlier entries of the blog


 I have started, devoted to this topic: Guys Into CMNM You can

read it at: http://guysn2cmnm.blogspot.com Your experiences, stories, comments/reactions, Net resources, pics are welcomed as contributions for the CMNM blog. Please send them to: sunbuns99 AT yahoo DOT com

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In CNMN experiences, not everyone involved needs to be to completely dressed or undressed (there can be mixed dressed/nude people in the same situation). It's the potential for nudity as a form of intimate or erotic communication that is more important than actually who is nude or clothed and how far each way. There can be more than one nude guys - it's just that there must be one clothed guys too. 

Often, guys can get CMNM thrills by being the dressed one or the naked one alternatively. I know that it works this way for me. I'm not passing any critical judgement on any other kind of male-oriented sexual lifestyle -- (flashing, BDSM, leather, role-playing (involving uniforms or costumes) because some people are turned on by multiple form of sexual stimulation - some of us are bisexual (past / present and future) and some of us get off flashing or simply just being exposed (or getting to see those who do). 

A true (extreme) dickflasher seems to get off by showing an erect cock in places/situations where people don't expect it and are shocked to have the 'space' invaded by a hard dick.. at the extreme, it may be the only way he can get off (ejaculate). It seems that there are actually very few guys who fall into that category.

 The CMNM (being exposed where clothed guys can view (and/or be visual stimuated) seems to find his (me being one of them) thrill in being naked in front of guys (dressed or in a state of dressing/undressing) where it's is more or less socially acceptable or at least tolerated (even glorified) - like a public street fair or a no-pants or strip night at a male-oriented bar, etc, or more 'innocently' in a locker room or frat party. But I know that in my case, I get a lot more social/psychological fulfillment / satisifaction (?) and some erotic/sexual pleasure from being in a CMNM situation - especially where I can establish a personal relationship with the clothed (or naked) guys. 

Recently, I find this often happens in a hostel or similar situation (campground, at the beach or gym showers, or clothing optional resort, etc, where you meet and befriend strangers who later get to see you naked or even aroused - almost by 'accident' not totally by design). I collect a lot of CMNM photos and have them for 'friends only' on: http://www.flickr.com/people/sunbuns/ 
You have to join Flickr (free) and add me as friend to view the pics. Please STATE on your profile that you are 18 years old or OVER 18 This makes things legal and I'll get less flack from Flickr for pandering to minors. 

There are also thousands of Flickr groups (little discussion but lots of photos) devoted to different aspects of this same idea: Frat parties, doctor's physical exams, being naked in public (not just flashing from a alley or window), sports locker rooms, etc. My own Net photos collections are categorized in sets as such. There are also scores of Net porn sites devoted to some particular 'flavor' or scene that is strongly related to CMNM. There are also a few private and public groups on Yahoo and Tribe.net devoted to CMNM. http://www.flickr.com/photos/sunbuns/375290868/in/set-72157594501819505/ 

* You must be a Flickr member and my Flickr friend to view the private pics on my Flickr photostream.  
_________________ The spirit is willing but the flash is week day and weekend!

First Time Experiences with CMNM: How did it start?

One of the new members on the cmnm.tribe.net (private group) started a discussion recently.

           I'd like to hear about others guys' experiences with "innocent" CMNM, especially first times. Here's one of mine to get the discussion started:

        My first time real CMNM was maybe 6 or 7 years ago. First, let me say that I am str8-married but have always been at least bi-curious and then bi-discreet. So while this was not my first time messing with a guy, it was a first CMNM experience. I was on a business trip and looking around for a jo partner on line. Most every response wanted way more than I was looking for. One str8 guy got me chatting and told me about a scenario he'd like to play out, which we did.

        My friend came over to my room. He brought a six pack. it had been unusually hot and sticky and I had not showered yet after my business day. We enjoyed a quick cold beer together, and opened the second within a few minutes an hung out sitting on the only couch in the room. Half way through the 2nd beer, I said I had not showered yet and wanted to jump into the shower real quick sync I felt grimmy. He said sure. While I did not undress in front of him, he did sneak into the bathroom while was showering and took a peak or two while I was in the shower. I came out only in the rather small hotel towel. I just needed to cool down a bit more.

          At this point I sat in the chair opposite the couch and continued slowly sipping my beer. after a shower and almost 2 beers, I was feeling horny and sneaked a feel now and then. He pretended not to notice at first, but then gave me an encouraging nod.

 I let the towel drape open and let him see my growing member. I was feeling both embarrassed and comfortable at the same time. All the while, he had his shorts and t-shirt on. Then he said, nah, it's cool, so I just took the towel off and started to openly stroke, slowly. He wanted a closer look, so I sat on the coffee table in front of him, and then next to him on the couch. He played with himself through his pants, but I did not see his dick that first time although I really wanted to. i think being denied seeing him naked and hard was a turn on but also a bit embarrassing that he was just watching me masturbate. Of course, I got to a point where I tried to stop since I could not see his, but he egged me on and convinced me to shoot for him to watch. It was very cool to have to let my guard down and just be totally natural and do this private act in front of another guy.

posted by: David

• Kelly

  Re: Past Experiences and First Time

  
  

        It happened to me another way. I guess there were other so-called CMNM experiences before that, but this one was so memorable and definitely fit the category. I had gone out to a public park along the shoreline of the bay. It's a semi-deserted spot but there were people around but just not in the immediate vicinity. I stripped naked and discreetly sunbathed. I had taken a couple of beers along to enjoy and so was feeling horny. A cyclist appeared and sort of appeared interested in getting a look, but he left after a bit. That just made me hornier.
  

  Then a 20-something guy noticed me from a distance and slowly made his way over toward me. I could tell he was intrigued and wanted to confirm that I was actually nude. Eventually, it became obvious to him that I was naked and aroused. It made it deliciously erotic for me to expose myself to him in public, but he kept just getting closer.
  

  

  
  
        Without saying a word, but only gesturing, he urged me to grab my cock and starting jacking. He remained standing and fully clothed in his athlete training pants and a jacket, but he kept keeping closer until finally he was at my feet. He used his own feet to press my legs further apart and he stared down at me, jerking with gusto for his pleasure. I tried sitting up to grasp his obviously erect cock through the soft materials of his pants, but he wouldn't let me do so, practically commanding me with nothing more than grunts to lie back down and to get back to work jerking my own cock. Finally, it was just too much and I came in great spurts all over my chest and belly as I lay on the ground. He smiled and said thanks, leaving me there panting but satisfied. I quickly looked around to see if anybody else had been watching since I had been lost in lust for a few minutes.
  
  

  

         The whole experience only last 15 minutes or so.. but it was so totally hot and unexpected that it was the source for many a long reflection on what had happened and why it has seemed so sublime a sexual encounter. It was the event that caused me to focus on the clothed / unclothed aspects of homosexual attraction and probably what made me identify with CMNM. Obviously, there were a few more elements involved: I was naked in public, and the guy was more than 20 years younger than me.

  posted by: sunbuns (Kelly Lewis)
  

  

  
  
  

  

  
  
  

Are any of these guys really exhibitionists?

From: Thorn [thorngay] on his Thorngay Yahoo Group

Thorn asked the question: Which are your favourite exhibitionists (from among the these photos (see below)?

His casual poll question caused me to think a bit more deeply. In reality, it can certainly be argued whether any of these guys is actually a 'real' exhibitionist at all.
Showing cock (with bare ass and a naked body) is NOT in among itself an act of exhibitionism. Most of these guys are just being genuinely 'nude' in public for another person that satisfying a personal sexual obsession with been 'seen'.

It's exactly this very type of confusion or ambiguity of definition about the role of nakedness (particularly male nudity) that lies at core of human societies' suppression and -- even repression - of what is central to understanding sexuality and the nature of sexual relationships - whether gay, straight, or bi or any other variation on these preferences.

Sorry to wax deeply philosophical but Thorn's attempt to generate a bit of visual 'teasing' (beefcake showcasing) by using photos of young men just being naked because they are making a social statement using visible nudity (in seeming violation of social and moral restraints) underlies to what extent we ALL (including the gay and liberally enlightened straight people need to re-assess and evolve our consciousness.

Yes, the guy showing his dick on the soccer field is obviously a porn model. He is only vicariously 'exposing' himself himself because cameraman and a few studio assistant are the only people actually 'seeing' his erection. It's interesting to consider that more and more of what is called pornography contains images that actually exposes 'exhibitionistic' tendencies. It is as if.. the viewers (those who buy or find the photos erotic) are excited by the fact that the 'model' (ostensibly as 'real, guy-next-door hunk') would dare to expose himself in public in order to achieve sexual pleasure or to stimulate or provoke the 'innocent' viewer / bystander to some (as yet) wild act of sexual abandon.

Therefore, the real question should be: Which photo(s) should NOT be considered exhibitionistic act? Or why you like each photo and what kinds of emotions or sexual feelings does it generate in YOU? What what kinds of emotions or sexual feelings or convictions/values is the PERSON in the photos experiencing at the time it was taken? How does he feel now, knowing that his naked photo (and face) are distributed widely on the Internet (via blogs like this one)?

THORNGAY GROUP: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thorngay

Forwarded message ---------- From: Thorn [thorngay] on his Thorngay Yahoo Group

Thorn asked the question: Which are your favourite exhibitionists (from among the photos above)?
In reality, it can certainly be argued whether any of these guys is actually a 'real' exhibitionist at all.
Showing cock (with bare ass and a naked body) is NOT in among itself an act of exhibitionism. Most of these guys are just being genuinely 'nude' in public for another person that satisfying a personal sexual obsession with been 'seen'.

It's exactly this very type of confusion or ambiguity of definition about the role of nakedness (particularly male nudity) that lies at core of human societies' suppression and -- even repression - of what is central to understanding sexuality and the nature of sexual relationships - whether gay, straight, or bi or any other variation on these preferences.
Sorry to wax deeply philosophical but Thorn's attempt to generate a bit of visual 'teasing' (beefcake showcasing) by using photos of young men just being naked because they are making a social statement using visible nudity (in seeming violation of social and moral restraints) underlies to what extent we ALL (including the gay and liberally enlightened straight people need to re-assess and evolve our consciousness.

Yes, the guy showing his dick on the soccer field is obviously a porn model. He is only vicariously 'exposing' himself himself because cameraman and a few studio assistant are the only people actually 'seeing' his erection. It's interesting to consider that more and more of what is called pornography contains images that actually exposes 'exhibitionistic' tendencies.

It is as if.. the viewers (those who buy or find the photos erotic) are excited by the fact that the 'model' (ostensibly as 'real, guy-next-door hunk') would dare to expose himself in public in order to achieve sexual pleasure or to stimulate or provoke the 'innocent' viewer / bystander to some (as yet) wild act of sexual abandon.

Therefore, the real question should be: Which photo(s) should NOT be considered exhibitionistic act? Or why you like each photo and what kinds of emotions or sexual feelings does it generate in YOU? What what kinds of emotions or sexual feelings or convictions/values is the PERSON in the photos experiencing at the time it was taken? How does he feel now, knowing that his naked photo (and face) are distributed widely on the Internet (via blogs like this one)?
THORNGAY GROUP: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/thorngay

 

Do the Naked Men in CMNM equate it with humiliation?

[This article is my response to the above forum discussion question was taken from Tribe.net / CMNM Tribe]

For my part, I see CMNM scenes/interactions as something far broader than just humiliation vs power/control. As I think back over my 'development' as boy/teen/young adult/ mature male, I have a strong reason to believe that nudity (showing skin) is a fundamental and important form of male-male communication. 

While power/pecking order/rank/machismo are important aspects of the CMNM lifestyle (sexual preference/fetish - I hate to limit it to being JUST a sexual fetish) I think it is just how and where such kinds of experiences actually occur (for what purpose do the men are doing the CMNM 'acts/behaviors' ) that determines more whether the 'sexual eroticism' of the CMNM involves a power exchange or not. Oddly enough, we've been having a similar (but limited because of text lenght) discussion on the CMNM Xtube group (that I started recently).

I think there are three broad categories for how and where CMNM occurs. And you can probably take that to mean its 'purpose' - it's not always has to do with just sex (getting off). When we start to view men's sexual and erotic behaviors as more than just SEX, then it both complicates and liberates the discussion/analysis.

1) planned or commercial situations where both parties involved, the clothed man (males) and naked ones are participating willingly and in predetermined locations (such as a bar, Pride event, male strip club, male lap-dancing, or private group sex parties. Some examples are nude nights at some gay bars, or stripping contests, or amateur strip nights, or hiring a nude escort or sex 'massage' escort (not to be confused with a real licensed masseur or massage therapist). Some are these 'planned' CMNM events are a part of a larger men's gathering or nude or sexual retreat - CMEN, Burning Man, or Street Festival (Southern Decadance in New Orleans or Dore Alley Fair in San Francisco).

2) pre-meditated, semi-random or semi-accidental, spontaneous or simply one-way CMNM (this is a very gray area - so it's not clearly definable)..

I don' t think that BOTH the nude and clothed male have to both be willing participants for it to count as a CMNM situation. For one of them, it may seem completely 'natural' or accidental. In these types of CMMN situations, only ONE of the two manipulates (or at least it appears that one side is cognizant and the other side is ignorant (or innocent) of 'planning' or 'willingly' participant in sexually stimulating their counterpart.

So the exact environment or conditions are very important but also very unique and specific to the situation (like good timing in while visiting your Uncle's home, etc) so that one male can either be nude or be the clothed one who enjoys seeing the nude male in a place where nudity may or may not be expected. Perhaps 'flashing' (showing your body/gentitals/nudity) to another male (clothed or not) may be a subset of this category ... or not.. I'm not quite sure.

As has been pointed out, one essential factor is whether power/control is involved and whether the sexual arousal is experienced by both (Clothed or Nude) participants. I think that the degree to which the CMNM event or act may or may not be related to whether or not it is a voluntary act or coerced or forced on the other party (by force, persuasion or manipulation that physical or psychological or social pressure or even some combinations of all three. is also important. Another important point is whether the power/submission is part of the social construct (police office / arrestee or suspect, teacher or coach / student or athlete or officer -military 'grunt' (lower rank), priest - altar boy, etc) or simply an interpersonal construct... kind of like role-playing like the father -son (daddy - boy) relationships that some gay men prefer.

3) accidental or unintended CMNM experiences (like when someone opens a toilet stall door and exposes a naked (or masturbating/erect guy), or getting locked out (pushed out) of a hotel room by college buddies, etc... ).

There are all kinds of variables that come into play and the huge extremes in the level of conscious and unconscious sexual turns-on with all of these variations. the subtleties or the directness (blatantness) are different for every purpose and every person.

Certainly, one aspect of CMNM involves flashing. Flashing is a form of exhibitionism - from mild to wild to extreme - exposing one's body, specifically the genitals and/or buttocks (or breasts in women) to another person or group of people (who may or may not be clothed). Mild forms of it are 'accidental exposure' or peekaboo flashing -which are so very common among some social groups and situations -- so much so that it is absolutely NOT even regarded as any form of 'sexual' behavior at all - especially in some circles or subcultures.

Peekaboo flashing often takes the form of nudity at college boy dorm and social events or frat parties, nudity at sporting events, rock concerts and public events where young and often drunk people gather to 'have fun'. But it also exists on a more personalized basis .. such as between college dorm roommates or when regular handymen or deliverymen come to a person's house (sometimes repeatedly) and some accidental exposure to (male) nudity occurs. There are legions of stories -- many probably urban legend -- about the voyeuristic adventures of pizza delivery boys, UPS truck drivers, and newspaper delivery boys - some of which they have documented (in blogs, Youtube,
porno, etc) but more they themselves often are actually the targeted brunt of someone else's desire for getting-naked-for-the-pizza-guy prank. I have a strong feeling that many times such 'jokes' actually have latent homoerotic desires or subcurrents underlying the 'urge' to strip or to have someone stripped. You have alluded to that type in your posts above. Why then would getting the guys naked or panstied or teabagged be the NUMBER ONE hazing or college party pranks for seemingly millions of boyish breeder-types (twinks and young college or NON-college men up to age 30 or so). Spend some time searching YouTube or similar sites (or more blatantly risque or explicit video-sharing sites) to get a better idea of what I am talking about.

So this is an important form of CMNM experience that I don't really address in the above and that's because it's not easily categorized: flashing. Perhaps it's only related or could be considered a fourth sub-category or type of CMNM.

Showing one's naked body and/or genitals (without or without an erect state) seems to transcend almost all the above categories. It may be accidental or at least spontaneous, it is definitely a conscious act (though I guess a nude 'sleepwalker' doesn't plan his actions), and it may or may not occur in socially accepted circumstances... can you call show your cock (semi-erect) to another guy on a nude beach 'flashing'? Maybe it has more to do with the reality of erotic or sensual communication (body language, etc) than mere act of being naked in front of a clothed male.

 [ The author of this article sunning his buns at a public seaside park. ]